Help, what have I done...

There’s no turning back now!

I’ve really gone against everything I’ve ever said in my life.

Only 7 hours left, and here I am, sitting and reflecting on all the crazy shit I’ve done over the years.

Two people on the same journey, no matter where it leads.

Another chapter in the madness
But this time, I’ve really gone full throttle against everything I’ve ever said.

If I had told my 25-year-old self what I’ve gotten myself into now, I wouldn’t have believed a word of it. It’s completely unreal that I’m actually getting married.

Me, who’s always said I’d never get married. That love and living together were enough, that paperwork was just bureaucracy and didn’t prove anything about love – just scribbles on a paper. I meant that. All the way.

And yet here I am, 6 hours and 58 minutes away from signing the very papers I’ve spent half my life dismissing as crap and nonsense.

It feels surreal. Like walking straight into a trap I set for myself – and doing it with open eyes. I can hear the younger me yelling: “You? Married? Don’t talk shit!” He’d shake his head, laugh out loud, and probably raise his glass without believing a damn word.

And that’s exactly why it feels so absurd. That I – the guy who crashed grandpa’s car, who stood covered in toilet filth in front of an entire bar, who’s lost both plane tickets and common sense, and who’s been the only fully clothed idiot on a nudist beach – I’m now about to stand there as a husband.

Husband. I can barely say it without laughing.

This is how I met Laila at the airport in Bodø.

We just want to be together
I think back to that day in Bodø, September 25, 2023. It had been four years and four days since Laila and I last held each other. That day I stood at the airport with a box full of kitchen utensils, cleaning gear, and a sign that read: “Wife wanted – PS. Must be good at washing and cooking.” That was my way of proposing.

We had already decided to get married, but I’d never gone down on one knee or asked the big question. So that was it.

Honestly, it’s kind of a miracle she still wants to be my wife...

It would take another year, eleven months, and one day before we finally get married. But don’t think the struggle ends there.

I’ve written about much of what we’ve gone through before – in Love That Defied Everything, and later in Nothing went as planned. Those stories cover a lot of the heavy shit we’ve faced: years of distance and uncertainty, months and years glued to screens just to stay connected, illness knocking us flat, paperwork that refused to fall into place, embassies slamming their doors shut, and earthquakes that shook the whole city while we tried to hold on to each other.

We’re both sick, and Laila’s fight against cancer is far from over. And as if that wasn’t enough, she just had another heart failure. That’s our reality – the one that never lets go, even when we’re trying to look ahead.

All of it – the illness, the distance, the bureaucracy, nature’s wrath and our bodies falling apart – we’ve fought through it all. And as if that wasn’t enough already, Laila told me tonight that the doctors are worried again. Her stomach has grown in just over a week – so much that people might think she’s pregnant – while her weight has dropped. Could the liver cancer be back? We’re waiting for answers.

So here I sit, asking myself: what the fuck is going on with our lives? Are we ever going to catch a break and just be together?

6 hours and 55 minutes
Yeah, I get it now – the whole “cold feet” thing and wondering if you should back out. I’m tired, worn out, and sick of it all – the constant pressure and the brutal uphill climbs we always seem to face.

I’ll be honest: there’s a battle raging inside me. Pack my bag and run? Or get married and lock myself in?

It’s strange as hell to sit here and watch the clock, feeling the minutes tick closer and closer to this scary, crazy thing that’s about to happen. And yet, there’s this flutter in my gut – because I’m marrying the woman I still love just as much as the first time I fell for her.

And as I write this, I’m searching for a plane ticket home to Bodø. This trip to Laila is over for now.

I just hope it won’t take 5 years, 5 months, and 25 days – 2005 days – like last time, before I’m back with Laila. My wife ❤️

But I also know that once I’ve signed my life away, the adventure’s over.

So if you’ve got any last words for me, say them now – while I can still answer freely 🤣